Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
