Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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