Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
