She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
