I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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