two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
