I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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