After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize