he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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