Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
