there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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