Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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