Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
