Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
