Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
