I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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