Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
