trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
