i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize