You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize