M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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