i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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