This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
