Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
