Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
