how can u be prego again
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
