She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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