After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I could fuck to npr.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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