I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
