whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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