She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize