I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
