he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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