The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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