Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh god it's open bar.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
