C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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