yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
