in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
