so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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