so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
