I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
