Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
