Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
