singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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