Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
