i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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