Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
