The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wear drunk well.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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