Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
