i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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