non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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