just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
