It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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