the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
