it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
