I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
