as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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