Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
