Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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