Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
