so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
