fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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