you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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